I've been thinking...

Pacifist

not a pacifist
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Honestly, I look back at my past 5 years and I can't say I've improved. Depression comes and goes but every now and again I have this bout of it but that's not why I'm making this post. If I am honest, I have no idea why I am making this post, all I know is that something deep inside me has been bothering me for a long time and I don't know what it is. Whenever I try to find out what it is I bring myself to tear immediately and I can't anymore with it.
Does anyone else experience this? Where you know something deep inside is hurting you so much but you have no clue what it is, you don't know why just trying to figure out what it is that makes you sad immediately makes you sad?
It's like a constant feel of heartbreak but you haven't had anything recently that breaks your heart, so you sit there balling your eyes and for no discernible reason beyond feeling shattered for no reason.
I've felt like this for all of 2020 so far and anyone I try to talk to has no idea, whether friend or professional. Nobody knows.
I'm not looking for help honestly, I'm just curious if anyone else has the same emotional confusion.
 
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Gibus

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Feb 25, 2019
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I didn't suffer from depression, but I can understand how you feel (I imagine it like my typical feeling of not being able to remember something, but a lot worse)
I really don't know what to tell you, from all i know, I have never known someone who has had depression for such a long time. If you've asked friends and professionals for help I don't know where you could go.
I'd say think about it, try things you always wanted to try and find purpose to keep going.
 

Eight

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Now I'm not a psychologist, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, but it sounds like you have a repressed memory of some sort. You try to think of why you feel negative, which is whatever this memory is (or maybe it isn't even a memory per se), but you can't and you just have this innate feeling of sadness from it. Again, I may be completely wrong, but this sounds like it'd be a logical explanation for what's going on.

As for your question, no, I can't remember ever feeling this way. Sometimes I feel depressed or upset and question why I am, but I'm usually able to tie it to something after some thought.
 
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sand.

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There were moments this year when I wanted to die, especially back in 7th in January, but now I feel better and stronger than I used to be.


And 2018 was also a depressing year for me, because of puberty and school, It's really hard not to think of it now, because I was a different person before hand
 

Walnuts

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so I don't like saying stuff like this because it makes me cringe, but as hard as it feels rn it will get better if you don't give u and die. time is the only thing in my opinion that can fix stuff like that. honestly one day you will just meet the right type of people to will help you change yourself.

I don't really feel depressed anymore, I started caring less and less about anything and Ive just beed doing what I wanted to do and having fun. I do think socializing was a large part of that, I used to think I was ok with just staying in house watching youtube all day, but after I started hanging out with friends way more often Ive been enjoying my life.
 
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Redds

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So I have helped people thru depression as much as i can but it always ends with seek out proffesional help. I have felt this before and have even
tries to kill myself multiple times as ive gotten close and luckily seeking medical help well did help me so yeah.
Luckilly I dont feel like that anymore and I'm feeling much better yet I do feel down at times in which response I get off tf2 and read some stuff on forums. Find a calm or something that can cheer you up. Your a great staff and keep up the great work. You deserve it!
 
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