hello yall, for this post, i don't know how long this will be, but i have to get this out of my head.
i know that when i became a regular, literately just found the surf server i go on every time, i didn't know shit about the rules, or the forums, or anything about this place.
i needed a place to stay after the community i love and known died after jungle inferno, one day i came to the only server i play, i couldn't leave, eventually i donated.
i know i can be toxic at times, but thats because, well, im just a bit of a douchebag, i have issues with self control, i can't like myself, but i like the people in the communities i love.
once i finally got myself to speak in #chat on the discord, i actually felt good, i was communicating outside of forums and tf2.
but now, i feel like im accidentally fucking everything up entirely.
my first application, the toxicity i did in chat fucked everything up, i caused that and i feel like i won't be able to be a staff member ever.
i got reported, and i broke when i got another -1, i made a mess everywhere with the words i typed.
i feel like im accidentally killing the community every time i do something stupid/assholish
i don't want to kill the community, i don't know where i'll go if it dies, i don't know where if i leave.
if you're reading this, thank you for having the time to read it.
tldr: i feel like im fucking up the community every time i do stupid/assholish things
with this edit i feel like i didn't need a tldr, but whatever
i know that when i became a regular, literately just found the surf server i go on every time, i didn't know shit about the rules, or the forums, or anything about this place.
i needed a place to stay after the community i love and known died after jungle inferno, one day i came to the only server i play, i couldn't leave, eventually i donated.
i know i can be toxic at times, but thats because, well, im just a bit of a douchebag, i have issues with self control, i can't like myself, but i like the people in the communities i love.
once i finally got myself to speak in #chat on the discord, i actually felt good, i was communicating outside of forums and tf2.
but now, i feel like im accidentally fucking everything up entirely.
my first application, the toxicity i did in chat fucked everything up, i caused that and i feel like i won't be able to be a staff member ever.
i got reported, and i broke when i got another -1, i made a mess everywhere with the words i typed.
i feel like im accidentally killing the community every time i do something stupid/assholish
i don't want to kill the community, i don't know where i'll go if it dies, i don't know where if i leave.
if you're reading this, thank you for having the time to read it.
tldr: i feel like im fucking up the community every time i do stupid/assholish things
with this edit i feel like i didn't need a tldr, but whatever
