Whats the funniest joke you know by heart?

Floot

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Dec 9, 2017
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under a rock, on a tropical island
Here's some:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
"cause you didn't f**king cook it" - Gordon Ramsay

Chic


Another joke I know by heart (I already posted it here before)

From: https://wonderland.tf/threads/doing-jokes-best-joke-wins-5-keys.7684/#post-39320

Joke

One day 2 guys named Olie and Pokey (The names I remember were Jean and Jack or people would just put their friends' name for humor) were lost in a desert after their jeep broke down. So each one took 1 part of the car. Olie took a tire (Or tyre) and Pokey, the jeep's door.
Pokey: Why did you take the tyre?
Olie: If I get tired, I'll sit on it! Well, Why did you take the jeep's door tho?
Pokey: You are a real fool, aren't you?...
Olie: Why?
Pokey: Well, if I feel hot, I will lower down the window to get fresh air!
Olie: *Facepalm.

They both continue to walk when suddenly Olie started to get extremely thirsty and Pokey, extremely hungry. They found a nomad camp and free food. Olie didn't eat that much and Pokey ate a lot. At the time the nomads were leaving, they exchanged the car parts for a Sacred water-bottle, with a beautiful wooden wooden cork. Olie opened the bottle and gulped on the water, and gave an empty bottle to Pokey who was angry for not getting a single drop of it.
Time passes, and the both wanted to go for a dump (If you know what I mean...) Olie pisses behind a tree in the oasis and Ricky, had do use the cork... well, you know where (Oh damn, that hurts) as he could not make the oasis filthy and had to wait till he reached to civilization.

Then APPEARED Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves Gay f**kers. The 40 men were very happy to find 2 beautiful young men in the desert. They grabbed and tied both boys and removed their clothes. Half of them would take one boy and the other half, the other one. Upon undressing both, they saw the cork in Pokey's anus and apologetically said. "WE NO TOUCH CURSED PINE CORK, WE ARE "RELIGIOUS PEOPLE" said the Gay fu**kers and let Pokey go. It seemed that the carvings on the top side of the cork had a superstitious belief of getting a cursed fate if someone tried to remove it from where it was. They looked at Olie and said: "40 on one? (° ͜ʖ °)

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

Looks like the superstitious belief really did something here.
Poor Olie, we are in 2019, and still complains his ass hurting a lot...

When the joke is orally cracked, it sounds funnier. I also didn't know how to translate some parts of it.
 
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Novasita

Well-Known Member
Sep 7, 2019
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why did the chicken cross the road

to get to the idiot's house






knock knock
Lmao
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why did the skeleton cross the road?

he didn't, he doesn't have the guts to do it
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yes i'm not funny.
Same.
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Here's some:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
"cause you didn't f**king cook it" - Gordon Ramsay



Another joke I know by heart (I already posted it here before)

From: https://wonderland.tf/threads/doing-jokes-best-joke-wins-5-keys.7684/#post-39320

Joke

One day 2 guys named Olie and Pokey (The names I remember were Jean and Jack or people would just put their friends' name for humor) were lost in a desert after their jeep broke down. So each one took 1 part of the car. Olie took a tire (Or tyre) and Pokey, the jeep's door.
Pokey: Why did you take the tyre?
Olie: If I get tired, I'll sit on it! Well, Why did you take the jeep's door tho?
Pokey: You are a real fool, aren't you?...
Olie: Why?
Pokey: Well, if I feel hot, I will lower down the window to get fresh air!
Olie: *Facepalm.

They both continue to walk when suddenly Olie started to get extremely thirsty and Pokey, extremely hungry. They found a nomad camp and free food. Olie didn't eat that much and Pokey ate a lot. At the time the nomads were leaving, they exchanged the car parts for a Sacred water-bottle, with a beautiful wooden wooden cork. Olie opened the bottle and gulped on the water, and gave an empty bottle to Pokey who was angry for not getting a single drop of it.
Time passes, and the both wanted to go for a dump (If you know what I mean...) Olie pisses behind a tree in the oasis and Ricky, had do use the cork... well, you know where (Oh damn, that hurts) as he could not make the oasis filthy and had to wait till he reached to civilization.

Then APPEARED Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves Gay f**kers. The 40 men were very happy to find 2 beautiful young men in the desert. They grabbed and tied both boys and removed their clothes. Half of them would take one boy and the other half, the other one. Upon undressing both, they saw the cork in Pokey's anus and apologetically said. "WE NO TOUCH CURSED PINE CORK, WE ARE "RELIGIOUS PEOPLE" said the Gay fu**kers and let Pokey go. It seemed that the carvings on the top side of the cork had a superstitious belief of getting a cursed fate if someone tried to remove it from where it was. They looked at Olie and said: "40 on one? (° ͜ʖ °)

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

Looks like the superstitious belief really did something here.
Poor Olie, we are in 2019, and still complains his ass hurting a lot...

When the joke is orally cracked, it sounds funnier. I also didn't know how to translate some parts of it.
0_0
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why did the bike fall over?

it was two tired :katlul:
Big funny
 

GrayCipher

Lolicon Senpai
★ Donor ★
Oct 22, 2019
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How do you throw a brick out of a plane in 3 steps?
1. Open the door
2. Throw the Brick
3. Close the Door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge in 3 steps?
1. Open the door
2. Put giraffe.
3. Close the Door.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 4 steps?
1. Open the door
2. take giraffe.
3 put elephant.
4. Close the Door.
Lion had a birthday party. All the animals attended, save one. which one was it and why?
The elephant, he was stuck in a fridge.
Mary wanted to cross a river full of crocs. How did she get across safely?
Just cross, they're all at the lion's party.
After crossing the river, Mary still died. how did she die?
Some dumbass threw a brick out of a plane.
 

Red

Maniac
Nov 4, 2018
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Hellas
This is a translation of a Greek joke, so it's probably gonna be hard to understand.

3 friends went skiing, but on their first day, they had to share the same hotel bed.

They wake up the next day and begin a conversation.

(guy who slept on the right): Yo guys, this might sound strange, but I dreamed of someone giving me a handjob.
(guy who slept on the left): What? I had the exact same dream!
(guy who slept in-between): You guys are strange; I innocently dreamed of skiing. Wait.
 

Davey

Dallas
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Mar 18, 2019
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why did the bike fall over?

it was two tired :katlul:
Omg, I was about to say the exact same joke! :sweatsmile:
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A priest, a rabbi and an imam are walking through a field discussing the glory of God. The priest comes up with an idea.

"Let's draw a circle on the ground and throw all our money in the air. Whatever lands inside the circle, God can keep it."

The imam says, "I have an even better idea. Let's draw the same circle on the ground and throw all our money in the air. Except for this time, whatever lands outside the circle, God can keep it."

The rabbi exclaims, "I have the best idea. Let's throw all our money in the air, and whatever God needs, He can keep it.
 
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Shu

Certified Hug Collector
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Jul 16, 2017
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Finland
I'm just going to drop few knock knock jokes.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who?
Owl be sad if you don't let me in!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Ears. Ears who?
Ears another knock knock jokes for you!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who?
Orange you sick of these knock-knock jokes?
 
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